To Whom It May Concern,
On behalf of the Brain department, I am writing this letter to request you to provide us with a new Thought Processing Filter, as the old Filter is not in good condition. We urgently need to replace the Filter so that our human can avoid the following:
- Calling her mother "a fancy mf"
- Telling her uncle that she "hates everything" when he asks her how she is doing.
Please send the new Filter as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
The Brain Department
I find it funny how I hate my full time job so much that I look forward to going home, but the minute I have a day off with nothing to do, I am immensely bored and miss working my part time job (I took this weekend off because of Easter plans). Maybe I really am an ambivert, just slightly more on the introvert side.
On a slightly unrelated note, I am ready to be and do what makes me happy again. I am ready to change my path so that I can look back on it with pride, not painful indifference. I want to be proud of how happy I've become, not just trying to survive.
That's all. Peace out.
Hello.
So yeah... I spectacularly suck at keeping up with posting regularly. My last post was published in January of 2021, and my goodness, much as happened since then! I have a two new jobs: one full-time that I am trying to make it through the end of the school year with, and one part time/weekend job that provides me with everything that I wish my full-time job would supply. Needless to say, if I could support myself just on the part time job, things would be a lot more bright than they have been. This school year has been rough.
As I contemplate on how things have been this year and the impact it has had on me, I think back to a period during my high school years when my aunt was going through a particularly hard time in her life. I remember the younger version of myself observing and listening about what was going on. I watched as my aunt learned bitter life lessons and emerged from the unfortunate events as a changed woman who had suffered emotional and mental turmoil. My young self saw the difference in her demeanor; the tone of her happiness and enthusiasm changed its pitch. It was not that she showed out-right sadness or unhappiness (though I can imagine that she surely felt this), but what she chose to emote and show to the world became more muted in tone. I remember thinking to myself, 'I will never let the world hurt me the way it has hurt her.'
What an incredibly niave notion. The world sucks. People can be so passive it hurts, as well as downright cruel. This year has shown me exactly how wrong my teenage self was in that line of thinking. To clarify, I have never thought my aunt weak by any means; she is one of the strongest people I know and has gone through more traumatic familial circumstances over the last five years than anyone should have to go through in their entire lifetime. I simply never imagined that I would go through life events that would wear me down in the same manner as they did for her. I am simply trying to make it through, to tread water until I reach the opposite shoreline. Similar to how a swimmer holds their breath underwater, I feel as though I am a hollow version of myself with my emotions shoved down deep in order to finish the journey without drowning.
I now see the similarities between myself this year and my aunt those many years ago. Both of us acting like soldiers battling to move forward, to make it through, albeit in vastly different ways given our individual circumstances. Two things about this commonality give me hope: firstly, the end is near in sight for me and I will make new decisions for myself next year. Secondly, things worked out for my aunt in ways I am sure she never imagined. Since that period of her life, she has received several blessings that changed her life for the better and gave her the narrative I think she long desired. If she can power through to a better period in her life, than so can I. How her story has developed gives me hope; the future can and will be better.
