Hello! Life Update

Hello, Friends and Family!

Here's a quick life update:

The school I worked at moved into full Distance Learning this week (as of this moment, we are scheduled to go back on January 4th, but who knows if that will truly happen. COVID numbers continue to be at a new all-time high every day, so.....) and it's been an interesting transition, but not horrid by any means. I am grateful and thankful that my students and I are staying safe and healthy by learning/teaching from home. 

On the other hand, by the time 3pm rolls around during the week, I am met with a nauseating and miserable sense of boredom. My afternoon/nightly routine consists of a daily walk/alternate form of exercise, dinner, a random magazine logic puzzle or two, a few chapters of a good book, then sleep. Within this last week, I have found that solo crazy dance parties or lengthy video chats with friends, even walking the halls of my apartment complex with my cat are necessary to cure my boredom. I am afraid that this won't be enough soon, and I have no idea what I am going to do. 

During last year's school year, I believed myself to be a slightly extroverted introvert, given the fact that I would come home from work and not want to interact with any other humans whatsoever at all. However, being antisocial by choice is one thing. Being required to be solely by myself and unable to get my daily dose of in-person human interaction from going into work is another thing entirely. Quarantine has caused me to realize that I am in fact equal parts introverted and extroverted (which I hear is called being an "ambivert"), and that I use to use up all my extrovert energy during the day on a normal sized class (24 young people) during the majority of the 2019-2020 school year. Now that I have smaller class sizes, as well as much more time at home to myself, my extroverted side is going crazy. 

So, if you have any ideas or recommendations on what to do to during free time, please let me know! New recipes, activities, crafts - all are welcome!

In other news, Thanksgiving was lovely; I got to see my aunt, uncle, cousins, grandpa (mom's side) and grandpa and grandma (part of my dad's side) and have a delicious meal with my parents. It was lovely to be able to spend time with all of them! 

Also, now that Thanksgiving has come and gone, I have put up a few Christmas decorations (I don't have many), and have been playing my Christmas playlist on repeat - I love the Christmas season Hopefully we get a good snowfall before Christmas Day; I do appreciate a white Christmas...!

I hope you all are staying safe, healthy, and busy! I wish you the best and a fabulous holiday season! I cannot WAIT for New Year's!!!

Rachel

"A Hot Mess, Inside a Dumpster Fire, Inside a Train Wreck"

 Wow. Just. WOW. 

That...was some utter nonsense. I know this post is a bit late in coming, but I needed a while to process, so thank you for your patience. I took 22 pages of notes between the two - how shall I put it? - lively debates that have happened thus far, and it took a while to figure out exactly what specific things I  wanted to write about here. 

The list below contains quotes that stood out to me the most from the Presidential and Vice Presidential debates. It is in no particular order, but I did my best to make it chronological. The quotes of the Presidential and Vice Presidential candidates are in blue, while the comments in orange with parentheses are what you would have heard me say, had we been watching it together:

• Trump (to Biden): “Did you use the word smart? So, you said you went to Delaware State, but you forgot the name of your college. You didn’t go to Delaware State. You graduated either the lowest or almost the lowest in your class. Don’t ever use the word ‘smart’ with me. Don’t ever use that word. Because you know what, there’s nothing smart about you, Joe. 47 years, you’ve done nothing." (Only a bully puts others down to make themselves feel better. This is a personal attack. Show some professionalism and respect!)
• Trump (about Biden): “I don’t wear a mask like him. Every time you seen him, he’s got a mask. He could be speaking 200 feet away from me, and he shows up with the biggest mask I’ve ever seen!" (Firstly, karma. Secondly, nice job scoring points for your opponent by calling out his conscientious choice to protect his constituents and the people around him. Please continue; I will cheer you on from the sidelines.)
• Trump (on racial sensitivity training): “Oh, it’s totally racist. (Racial sensitivity trainings are not racist. And if people THINK they are, then those trainings are not being taught properly!) If you were a certain person, you had no status in life, it was sort of a reversal. (What are you going on about???) And if you look at the people we would pay people hundreds of thousands of dollars to teach them very bad ideas (OH REALLY.) and frankly, very sick ideas (these teachers aren’t the ones with the sick ideas, pal!) and really, they were teaching people to hate our country. (Our country has its fair share of issues, dude. Denial about that fact helps NO ONE.)  And I’m not gonna do that. I’m not gonna allow that to happen. We have to go back to the core values of this country. They were teaching people that our country is a horrible place, it’s a racist place, and they were teaching people to hate our country. (Have you ever even picked up a history book?) And I’m not going to allow that to happen.

And the most memorable exchange:

Pence: "I would like to go back."

Moderator: "I think we need to move on –"

Pence: "Well, thank you, but I would like to go back. (SIR. WOULD YOUR MOTHER PUT UP WITH THIS ATTITUDE? NO? THEN SIT DOWN.) Because the reality is that we’re going to have a vaccine in record time, in unheard of time. In less than a year. (For real? So, all the companies creating them are spreading false info about the timeline of availability? Ok, great! Can’t wait! You go first, sir!) [to Kamala] The fact that you continue to undermine public confidence in a vaccine [Kamala said she wouldn’t get a vaccine if the Trump Administration recommended it, only if health officials did] if the vaccine emerges during the Trump Administration I think is unconscionable. And senator, I just ask you stop playing politics with people’s lives.” (OH, HE WENT THERE. OH, MY GOODNESS. THE AUDACITY. You wanna talk about ‘playing politics with people’s lives’? Let’s have a conversation, you twat.)

Other important speculations:

-  Biden made a point to look at the camera when he answered questions, which gave the appearance of talking to the people at home who were watching. Trump did not speak as much to the camera/audience, but rather to Biden and Wallace.

- Both Presidential candidates called the other a liar at least once during the debate.

- My students do a better job realizing they’ve interrupted someone, apologizing, and allowing them to finish speaking than the President or VP. And they certainly don’t make anyone feel bad about it.

Hopefully this post provided you with a bit of a laugh during this madness. While I find it important to stay woke in order to avoid being a compliant bystander, it is also important to find things that bring a smile to your face! Balance is key. 

Lastly, I want to share two quick recommendations: 

1. If you have not yet seen the film Thirteen, I HIGHLY recommend adding it to your Netflix list and watching it as soon as possible. 

2. Demi Lovato released an amazing song last week called Commander in Chief. Here is the link for the music video; please check it out!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9Y-lS1trhw 

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!!!

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

Denial is a dangerous thing.

It enables you to turn a blind eye and makes your brain numb. 

There have been countless unknowns that have not been resolved in my life because of COVID (which I'm sure is true for everyone), and instead of facing these problems head-on, my mind let them go. I am not sure why, how, or at what point this denial-like way of thinking began, but my realization about its occurrence felt akin to coming home after an amazing vacation: that moment on the last day of sightseeing when you realize that tomorrow you'll be on the plane ride home where your life, your job, and your normal routine are waiting for you. It totally brought me back down to earth. And then I was ashamed. 

I was ashamed because I had been hearing but not listening when my friends and family were telling me about their worries and concerns, which are worries and concerns that I need to be considering as well. I had been nodding my head to what they had been saying, but only partially comprehending the words. It had been something that I was not conscious of, like my mind was trying to protect me from a massive overload of emotion and pain. My re-awareness felt exactly the same way it did when George Floyd was murdered; I feel woke once again, and I need to stay woke.

Staying woke isn't something that just happens without effort. It's a constant decision to pick a side, to make change, to be heard, to not remain silent. Silence, while comfortable and easy, only perpetuates a problem. Staying woke means to engage and be alert to conflict in order to promote change. While extremely important, this is often not without pain. And that pain can be hard to handle. The following quote from Peter Capaldi best summarizes how to cope with pain during difficult times: 

    "You know what you do with all that pain? Should I tell you where you put it? You hold it tight. till it burns your hand. And you say this, "No one else will ever have to live like this. No one else will ever have to feel like this. Not on my watch.""

I haven't been holding the pain close because I don't want my hand to burn anymore. It feels charred, black and flaking, burnt to a crisp. It's much more of an immediate relief to let that pain go and forget about it. But if I do, I am in danger of being responsible for increasing the pain of others. What consequences will others face if I fail to hold on to the pain and use it as a reminder? If I don't face the unknowns and at least try to solve them, what catastrophes could arise? Not only for me, but for my colleagues? The young people I am responsible for?

I'd rather not find out. Time to reel the pain back in and carry on.

For the People? Nah.

It was Abraham Lincoln who spoke the phrase, "of the people, by the people, for the people," in his famous Gettysburg Address. In this section of his speech, he was referencing the strong, dependable government that would unite and support all American citizens. 

Look how far we have come; "of the people, by the people, for the people" feels like a broken promise. 

If you were "for the people", you'd care more about the well-being of your citizens than the well-being of the economy. 

If you were "for the people", you wouldn't be forcing and pressuring the 3.7+ million teachers in America to decide whether to sacrifice their health or their career.

If you were "for the people",  I would not be worried about my health because I was required to return to work as case numbers rose. 

If you were "for the people", schools wouldn't have template letters for the death of a student or teacher prepared for the coming school year. 

If you were "for the people", the fatality rate would likely be exponentially lower. 

If you were "for the people", you wouldn't be shaming educators about going back to into their workplace. 

If you were "for the people", I wouldn't have felt compelled to make a health care directive at age 25.

If you were "for the people", I wouldn't feel expendable.

If you were "for the people", I would feel safe.

I'm ready to be reminded what a government that is "for the people" is like. 

Don't Wait For It

Grief is a strange thing that knows no boundaries.

I was petting my cat as we sat in my over-sized armchair, and I allowed my mind to wander. As I recalled old memories of time spent with my grandma as if flipping through a photo album, tears were already slipping down my face before I realized I was crying. It would be comforting to believe that the first loss would be the hardest one to cope with, but I know that is not how it will work. Future loses are going to hurt just as bad, possibly even worse.

Grief abounds in today’s world. Grief for those who died from COVID-19. Grief for Black individuals who died due to police brutality. Grief is a lot like love, according to Shania Twain’s Ain’t No Particular Way: “there ain’t nowhere it won’t hide, there ain’t no speed it won’t drive”. Grief is emotion that stems from the loss of love. The feeling comes out of nowhere when you least expect it, and it can hit harder than Mjolnir. And the effect can be debilitating.

One of the musical numbers from the Broadway hit Hamilton is called Wait For It. This is the final chorus/outro: “Life doesn’t discriminate//between the sinner and the saints//it takes and it takes and it takes//and we keep living anyway// we rise and we fall and we break//we fall and we make our mistakes//and if there’s a reason I’m still alive//when so many have died//then I’m willin’ to, then I’m willin’ to//wait for it”.

When it comes to unnatural and unwarranted causes of death, as has been the case for many Black Americans, I am not willing to wait for it. I will fight against it. I do not wish this type of grief on anyone. In situations like this, it is important to look for a solution.

Where's Ms. Frizzle When We Need Her?

To all my fellow teachers, especially first-year teachers: Congratulations!!! You survived the 2019-2020 school year and distance learning. I applaud you! You may breathe now. Take it easy. You deserve a break – be sure to make the most of it before this next school year rolls around, because who knows what is going to come next…

I have so many questions:

- Is the year going to start in person or online?

- How am I going to establish relationships/guidelines if school starts online? 

- If there is another wave of COVID illnesses/deaths projected for the fall, is coming into the building safe?

- How can we make sure our students stay clean/healthy?

- What is the daily schedule going to look like?

- How am I going to fit all my students in my classroom while making sure they are 6 feet apart?

- Am I going to have all students in my room at one time?

- Where/when/how is lunch going to work?

- What about recess?

- Will there be extra catch-up work to do since the year was essentially cut short by 3 months?

- What is going to happen with standardized testing next year?

- What will happen with specials classes (art, music, health, Spanish, technology, etc.) and other essential components of learning due to possible budget cuts as a result of COVID?

My list could go on. My point is the amount of uncertainty is unsettling. I am anxious to know what life will be like as a teacher next year, and I am genuinely hoping that I will be able to finish the year in my classroom next year. If Ms. Frizzle were here, we’d have this madness sorted out already, and her fabulous students would have found a cure for COVID by now!

Stay strong, everyone!

I Am Woke

Woke: (adjective) of African American origin; a term which refers to a perceived awareness of social and racial injustice.

My Timeline of Advocacy:

2013-2017: I was in a Social Justice Theatre Troupe in college called Making Waves. This group was a community of people who believed in equity for all. Making Waves challenged deeply rooted exclusive beliefs through performing controversial scenarios and engaging the audience in dialogue as the characters they portrayed even after performances were finished. The scenarios touched on racial injustice, LGBT+ injustice, religious intolerance, and much more. I was proud to be a part of it, and to stand with people who showed compassion and love to all, and believed that each of our individual differences made us stronger together. 

2018-2020: I hated the news. I hated keeping up with current events. It depressed me, made me feel hopeless. I had been signed up for CNN's "5 Things" emails, designed to keep me up to date with what was going on in the world. I hardly opened them. I wouldn't admit it to myself, but I had become lazy. I didn't want anything to do with politics or current events. It felt like too much.

May 25th, 2020: The world is in the middle of a pandemic, I am teaching long-distance over the internet, and life is crazy. I am lying in bed, scrolling through Facebook. My mom, who has become incredibly politically aware within the last 12 months while I have been politically and socially benign, has posted a video with the caption, "Hard to watch; but DO NOT look away." I start the video playing, and can't believe what I am seeing. 

I am woke. 

I am not proud of how I have turned a blind eye. I am not proud of how I allowed my White Privilege to stay blissfully unaware of what is happening in the world. But I will be better, do better.

As Dr. Bernice King stated on Ellen, when quoting her father, Martin Luther King Junior, "True peace is not the absence of tension, but the presence of justice." I will no longer avoid the tension. I do not live in the world that I want to live in. This is not the world I want my students to grow up in. It breaks my heart that young people like the girl in the video below are sad, frustrated, and afraid in today's society. Our young people deserve so much better; they deserve a united world with a united people. 

https://www.instagram.com/p/CA5aI4tHvPy/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&fbclid=IwAR2E4dVLM1U2lrSbxTEn8winzjxm0wbf_rZOgeQbnzbk9mUnqUXq4S9BKas

A few days ago, I was equally concerned with "what" was happening following the death of George Floyd (peaceful protests, violent riots, houses/companies burned, looting, (the last three mostly, if not completely, from organizations who were unaffiliated with Black Lives Matter)) as I was with "why" it was happening. I was constantly having discussions about this with friends and family members. In one conversation, one of my friends stated, "There is so much complexity to the rioting. But, it should not be our focus. We need to maintain focus on WHY this is all happening and not let a few protesters' actions shake our support." Another friend posted a photo online that read, "If you are more upset by how they are protesting than why they are protesting, then you're part of the problem." Between conversations about these statements, I realized that I was engaging in the discussions with my personal bias/White Privilege. My statements and opinions were coming from a place in which I would never have to worry about being heard, listened to, or appreciated. If I were the one peacefully protesting with people who had the same skin tone as me, it wouldn't take long for us to be heard or for change to occur. In contrast, BIPOC have been fighting for decades to achieve this outcome. It is unfair and inequitable.

I am woke. I understand that I will never understand, but I will continue to try. I stand with you.

The following poem, "Let Me", was written by a good friend of mine, Jynni Discenza-Misner. It resonates with me, and beautifully paints a picture of what I believe it means to be 'woke' during this era in history.